WHAT IS PSYCHOTHERAPY?
Psychotherapy, otherwise known as talk therapy, is a focussed conversation between the therapist and client. This process of engagement is a collaborative effort for arriving at a mutual understanding concerning the difficulties with which the client may be struggling. Although the therapist may be directive at times – when deemed necessary and useful – the process is person centred and client-driven. Therapy involves the client talking about the problems he/she experiences in his/her life, presenting their feelings and thoughts or behaviour regarding the presenting issues. The therapist would listen deeply and empathically; and reflect to the patient what comes through in their narratives.
The therapist helps the client to make links between thoughts, feelings and behaviours and possible underlying meanings and core beliefs with possible origins in childhood. This may not have been visible to the patient themselves as everybody has blind spots concerning their own personalities and behaviour. Many spiritual writer speaks of childhood agreements we concluded with ourselves based on our observations and immature interpretations of the world at the time, which became a core belief guiding our responses and interactions in the world, as a form of rules that we set for ourselves concerning the manner in which the world works and how we need to fit into that world in order to survive and not be rejected. Often much of what affects our daily living is not in our conscious minds. This may be interactional patterns learnt in childhood, with the origins forgotten; as well as core beliefs about our self and our being-in-the-world, which direct automatic thoughts suggesting you are not worthy or, even, bad.
These assumptions, conscious or unconscious, extend to how we view ourselves, how we experience life and how we interact in relationships and form the focus of exploration in psychotherapy. A therapy journey is about becoming more aware of feelings, thoughts, and actions in relation to such embedded patterns while reflecting on their meaning within the context of a person’s life, both past influences and current expression. The aim is to increase a person’s awareness of the manner in which their personal as well as social meanings are constructed and explore the possibilities of alternative narratives about themselves and their being-in-the-world.
WHY CHOOSE THERAPY?
Therapy is an exploration of our inner world and the way that it impacts on our external world, such as our behaviour patterns and our interactions with others. It is about understanding ourselves better and gaining insight into what makes us tick. Therapy is also about creating the space for effective change in order to live more satisfying and meaningful lives, exploring different ways of being in the world.
Therapy is about sharing intimate details of your life which have an effect on overall well-being, functioning in the world and psychological/emotional growth. Often these narratives are infused with feelings of shame, quilt or badness and many people fear humiliation or ridicule for having certain thoughts, feelings or behavioural patterns which they deem would be disapproved off. Therapy provides a safe space, where a person can share all of their humanity (the good and the bad), where one can look at parts of oneself that have been neglected, ignored or damaged without having to fear that one would be taken advantage of, judged, ridiculed, rejected, victimised, or marginalised. It is this human-to-human connection that provides the vehicle for healing.
A therapist is objective (unlike a husband/wife, mother/daughter and so on) and does not judge the person, but tries to determine the meaning of the person’s narratives of their life by examining these with the client. The golden question is what bought a client to this point in their life and how can one break free from patterns, that are constricting and energy-sapping, to free a person to be more creative and spontaneous.
Psychotherapy as a process to enable a person to become more skilful at managing difficult emotional states and to cope with stress-evoking events or interpersonal situations, thereby achieving a more balanced emotional life. Therapy is akin to a spring-cleaning of the psyche, clearing out old clutter to make space for the renewal of self, for defining oneself and one’s place in the world without childhood fears and inhibitions. It is a not a magical, instant make-over, but takes time, patience with oneself and commitment to change. Psychotherapy does not promise a pain-free existence; but can assist in developing an increased capacity to feel and articulate unmanageable feelings, without feeling possessed or destroyed by them; or having to avoid them through denial or dissociation; or acting out in an unconscious manner through self-harming behaviours. Therapy is a journey of connecting with oneself in a deep and respectful manner resulting in rewarding personal growth.
What holds a person back from reaching for their dreams and goals? It may be that a person is hampered by distressing feelings; have thoughts that make one feel awful; or behaviour patterns that are either directly harmful, or more subtlety undermine optimal functioning and general happiness. It may simply be a vague sense of dissatisfaction with the kind of person one has become, the people one has surrounded oneself with, or life circumstances such was where one lives, works or plays.
WHAT HAPPENS IN THERAPY
The first couple of sessions are about establishing a relationship of trust and a thorough assessment of the difficulties that you need help with. The therapist would generally ask what brings you to therapy; as well as more specific questions about your life circumstances and current relationships. As part of the initial history-taking some questions may be asked about your childhood and family of origin as well as your ideas about the source of your difficulties. The therapist will listen empathically, clarify points in your story and offer reflections. The therapist take notes during a session which are strictly confidential and serve as reference for the therapist.
Generally people experience some relief during the initial sessions, having been able to talk freely and easily about their difficulties without being judged. The situation in all likelihood will not have been resolved immediately, but for most people being heard and engaged with around the problem in a respectful, sensitive manner validates their humanity. It is normal for some people to feel anxious prior to the first meeting as most people are uncertain what to expect concerning both the process and the therapist.
The assessment phase affords you the opportunity of deciding whether you are comfortable working with me. If it doesn’t feel right, I would be happy to make a recommendation and a referral to another therapist who may be more suitable to your needs. It is essential that you are comfortable with your therapist as trust and openness play an important role in the process of therapy. This may take a few sessions to decide.
Your responsibility is to talk about what is happening in your life and where you are at presently regarding your difficulties. My role would be to listen attentively, clarify, point out possible links between thoughts, feelings and behaviours that may not be obvious to you, interpret and, if appropriate, challenge patterns in which you may be stuck. Although I don’t generally offer advice, an ingredient of therapy is to discuss collaboratively more useful ways of coping in the context of a mutual understanding of the problems, empowering you with an increased capacity to act more mindfully and with more self-awareness.
The first couple of sessions are about establishing a relationship of trust and a thorough assessment of the difficulties that you need help with. The therapist would generally ask what brings you to therapy; as well as more specific questions about your life circumstances and current relationships. As part of the initial history-taking some questions may be asked about your childhood and family of origin as well as your ideas about the source of your difficulties. The therapist will listen empathically, clarify points in your story and offer reflections. The therapist take notes during a session which are strictly confidential and serve as reference for the therapist.
Generally people experience some relief during the initial sessions, having been able to talk freely and easily about their difficulties without being judged. The situation in all likelihood will not have been resolved immediately, but for most people being heard and engaged with around the problem in a respectful, sensitive manner validates their humanity. It is normal for some people to feel anxious prior to the first meeting as most people are uncertain what to expect concerning both the process and the therapist.
The assessment phase affords you the opportunity of deciding whether you are comfortable working with me. If it doesn’t feel right, I would be happy to make a recommendation and a referral to another therapist who may be more suitable to your needs. It is essential that you are comfortable with your therapist as trust and openness play an important role in the process of therapy. This may take a few sessions to decide.
Your responsibility is to talk about what is happening in your life and where you are at presently regarding your difficulties. My role would be to listen attentively, clarify, point out possible links between thoughts, feelings and behaviours that may not be obvious to you, interpret and, if appropriate, challenge patterns in which you may be stuck. Although I don’t generally offer advice, an ingredient of therapy is to discuss collaboratively more useful ways of coping in the context of a mutual understanding of the problems, empowering you with an increased capacity to act more mindfully and with more self-awareness.
DOES THERAPY WORK?
There is increasing research evidence from Neuroscience that psychotherapy positively impacts on the brain’s chemistry and brain structures. New neural pathways can be laid down (which allows for change) in the context of a good therapy relationship in the same way that nurturing attachment relationships were necessary in our early years of development to strengthen a positive confident sense of self and spontaneous responsiveness to the world. Evidence-based research demonstrates that therapy may considerably reduce or even eradicate symptoms of depression and anxiety; as well as improve one’s relationships, sense of self, and performance in various life areas such as work.
The individual gains of therapy differ from person to person. The following factors may influence the therapy process and outcomes:
· the good-enough fit between client and therapist;
· the clients motivation and commitment to the process, a readiness to change, degree of curiosity (about their
own dynamics and the way they behave in the world), an openness to different viewpoints and a willingness
to tolerate uncertainty and the unknown (we can never predict what exactly is going to happen in therapy or
the consequences of what may unfold)
· the therapist’s approach, skill and experience;
· external factors such as resources, support or simply daily living and life events
Insight and self-awareness may be the first step in changing unhelpful behaviours and underlying embedded thought patterns and belief systems, as well as alleviating inhibitions and fears. Being critically aware of the beliefs and values that dictate your life and keep you locked into cycles of depression, bad relationships or other difficulties, enhances the possibility of change. These may be very challenging and painful to examine and often people feel worse before they feel better. It is important not to stop therapy at this point. Carl Jung stated that “There is no consciousness without pain”. Knowing and understanding the dynamics of your problem needs to be followed by action; being willing to learn new ways of viewing the world and different behaviours is a necessary ingredient for the effective handling of the pressures of everyday living. Underlying this is an acceptance that change is possible, although this might initially be the focus of therapy in itself.
Conscious living does not mean a trouble-free and everlastingly happy life, but it may free a person up to choose how they respond to challenges in daily living and how they manage living with chronic mental/emotional disorders. Not everybody finds complete relief from their symptoms or resolves their problems entirely, but many find themselves better equipped to deal with their difficulties.
There is increasing research evidence from Neuroscience that psychotherapy positively impacts on the brain’s chemistry and brain structures. New neural pathways can be laid down (which allows for change) in the context of a good therapy relationship in the same way that nurturing attachment relationships were necessary in our early years of development to strengthen a positive confident sense of self and spontaneous responsiveness to the world. Evidence-based research demonstrates that therapy may considerably reduce or even eradicate symptoms of depression and anxiety; as well as improve one’s relationships, sense of self, and performance in various life areas such as work.
The individual gains of therapy differ from person to person. The following factors may influence the therapy process and outcomes:
· the good-enough fit between client and therapist;
· the clients motivation and commitment to the process, a readiness to change, degree of curiosity (about their
own dynamics and the way they behave in the world), an openness to different viewpoints and a willingness
to tolerate uncertainty and the unknown (we can never predict what exactly is going to happen in therapy or
the consequences of what may unfold)
· the therapist’s approach, skill and experience;
· external factors such as resources, support or simply daily living and life events
Insight and self-awareness may be the first step in changing unhelpful behaviours and underlying embedded thought patterns and belief systems, as well as alleviating inhibitions and fears. Being critically aware of the beliefs and values that dictate your life and keep you locked into cycles of depression, bad relationships or other difficulties, enhances the possibility of change. These may be very challenging and painful to examine and often people feel worse before they feel better. It is important not to stop therapy at this point. Carl Jung stated that “There is no consciousness without pain”. Knowing and understanding the dynamics of your problem needs to be followed by action; being willing to learn new ways of viewing the world and different behaviours is a necessary ingredient for the effective handling of the pressures of everyday living. Underlying this is an acceptance that change is possible, although this might initially be the focus of therapy in itself.
Conscious living does not mean a trouble-free and everlastingly happy life, but it may free a person up to choose how they respond to challenges in daily living and how they manage living with chronic mental/emotional disorders. Not everybody finds complete relief from their symptoms or resolves their problems entirely, but many find themselves better equipped to deal with their difficulties.
MORE QUESTIONS
How often should I attend?
We would meet once a week at a regular time and day as agreed upon; or if requested and indicated more regularly. If you can’t make a specific session due to unforeseen circumstances, it may be possible to negotiate a different time slot for or to come to another arrangement.
Each therapy session lasts 50 minutes and regular attendance is important.
How long does therapy take?
The length of therapy depends on many different factors, including the nature of your difficulty, your needs and personal circumstances, and the goal you would like to reach through the therapy process.
Many clients enter long-term therapy (from a year to a couple of years) to address ongoing difficulties in relationships, chronic emotional instability, persistent feelings of emptiness, childhood sexual or emotional abuse; others want mostly to understand themselves better, live with more insight and improved emotional development, and act with more self-awareness and purpose in life.
Short-term therapies (6 – 10 sessions) may be able to target specific symptoms such as depression and anxiety, especially if these are related to adjustment issues or major life events or crises. However these may be symptoms of underlying issues that would profit from medium-term (couple of months) or longer-term therapy because failure to address the underlying issues could lead to the symptoms resurfacing. Most people continue sessions as long as they find them valuable and for so long as it is financially viable to do so.
Do I have to delve into my childhood?
This depends on your goal of therapy and the extent to which past experiences are impacting on your life in the present moment. Events and experiences from earlier in life have a distinct role in your current belief systems and values. Sometimes, past issues can interfere with many facets of your life and need to be processed in order for you to move forward and live to your fullest potential.
People often protect themselves through denial and other defence mechanisms and avoid dealing with unpleasantness in our live, just pushing it aside. Unfortunately, this often hampers one’s emotional development, and reduces one’s coping mechanisms in certain situations; or force one to function in a pretend mode, putting up a brave face, while perhaps feeling inauthentic. Everybody knows that it is not good to bottle things up! Coping with all kinds of emotional states - without being unbalanced by then and/or erupting and bombarding others - is an ability that is learnt (or not learnt) in childhood and, like any skill, it requires practise to become an emotionally skilful person.
It is sometimes useful to trace the origins of problems in order to understand their meaning in the context of your own life. Most of one’s adult behaviours originated in childhood or adolescence and, at the time, functioned as a protective measure against perceived threats to one’s growing - and still vulnerable - sense of self. Understanding this minimises self-judgement and ideas that one is/was a bad person.
Does it mean there is something wrong with me if I see a therapist?
The fact that you are considering seeing a psychologist means that you feel there is a problem that you need to work on. It is an important step that you are taking, namely, paying attention to your own subjective sense that things are not working for you in the way you would like. Perhaps you are struggling with depression, anxiety or anger feeling unable to move out of it, that you are being controlled by it and that it is dictating your life. On the other hand you may be experiencing relationship troubles. This does not define who you are or your worth as a person. It just indicates the simple fact that you are struggling with something.
Nobody is perfect and everybody has issues. Acknowledgment of one’s own problems is an important step in change, and does not mean that you are a flawed person. Difficulties are usually only a part of you and not your entire being; although it may feel like it at times. Everybody has both strengths and weaknesses.
Entering therapy means you have chosen to do something about your ills and that you are taking action.
How often should I attend?
We would meet once a week at a regular time and day as agreed upon; or if requested and indicated more regularly. If you can’t make a specific session due to unforeseen circumstances, it may be possible to negotiate a different time slot for or to come to another arrangement.
Each therapy session lasts 50 minutes and regular attendance is important.
How long does therapy take?
The length of therapy depends on many different factors, including the nature of your difficulty, your needs and personal circumstances, and the goal you would like to reach through the therapy process.
Many clients enter long-term therapy (from a year to a couple of years) to address ongoing difficulties in relationships, chronic emotional instability, persistent feelings of emptiness, childhood sexual or emotional abuse; others want mostly to understand themselves better, live with more insight and improved emotional development, and act with more self-awareness and purpose in life.
Short-term therapies (6 – 10 sessions) may be able to target specific symptoms such as depression and anxiety, especially if these are related to adjustment issues or major life events or crises. However these may be symptoms of underlying issues that would profit from medium-term (couple of months) or longer-term therapy because failure to address the underlying issues could lead to the symptoms resurfacing. Most people continue sessions as long as they find them valuable and for so long as it is financially viable to do so.
Do I have to delve into my childhood?
This depends on your goal of therapy and the extent to which past experiences are impacting on your life in the present moment. Events and experiences from earlier in life have a distinct role in your current belief systems and values. Sometimes, past issues can interfere with many facets of your life and need to be processed in order for you to move forward and live to your fullest potential.
People often protect themselves through denial and other defence mechanisms and avoid dealing with unpleasantness in our live, just pushing it aside. Unfortunately, this often hampers one’s emotional development, and reduces one’s coping mechanisms in certain situations; or force one to function in a pretend mode, putting up a brave face, while perhaps feeling inauthentic. Everybody knows that it is not good to bottle things up! Coping with all kinds of emotional states - without being unbalanced by then and/or erupting and bombarding others - is an ability that is learnt (or not learnt) in childhood and, like any skill, it requires practise to become an emotionally skilful person.
It is sometimes useful to trace the origins of problems in order to understand their meaning in the context of your own life. Most of one’s adult behaviours originated in childhood or adolescence and, at the time, functioned as a protective measure against perceived threats to one’s growing - and still vulnerable - sense of self. Understanding this minimises self-judgement and ideas that one is/was a bad person.
Does it mean there is something wrong with me if I see a therapist?
The fact that you are considering seeing a psychologist means that you feel there is a problem that you need to work on. It is an important step that you are taking, namely, paying attention to your own subjective sense that things are not working for you in the way you would like. Perhaps you are struggling with depression, anxiety or anger feeling unable to move out of it, that you are being controlled by it and that it is dictating your life. On the other hand you may be experiencing relationship troubles. This does not define who you are or your worth as a person. It just indicates the simple fact that you are struggling with something.
Nobody is perfect and everybody has issues. Acknowledgment of one’s own problems is an important step in change, and does not mean that you are a flawed person. Difficulties are usually only a part of you and not your entire being; although it may feel like it at times. Everybody has both strengths and weaknesses.
Entering therapy means you have chosen to do something about your ills and that you are taking action.
