The word narcissism is so easily thrown around these days, but is the wounding and vulnerability that lies underneath this pattern really understood? We should look at it as a continuum.

We need healthy narcissism to manifest our creative endeavours in the world - Freud spoke about primary narcissism of young children which is a healthy natural expression of Self, not indicative of a problem, but needs to be mirrored by the caregivers of the child. Narcissistic personality disorder is caused by a severe early injury to healthy self-love or self-esteem, where this healthy narcissism has been damaged.

Everyone has injuries to their self-esteem, where parental mirroring may not have taken place. This results in narcissistic vulnerabilities. There is often shame connected to this wounding where we become disconnected from our essential selves. Narcissistic patterns are defensive mechanisms developed to protect a fragile sense of self underneath, but which hurt our relationships and inhibit our creativity. This self-protecting behaviour may manifest as defensive rage or explosive anger, blaming or attacking others, various attention-seeking behaviours, denial, or an inability to process feedback, thereby taking criticism personally.

According to Thomas Moore on the recent @JungPlatform’s summit, narcissism is a search for one’s Soul, the deeper Self, but from the wrong place. Narcissism is a failure to find oneself in a deep way and consequently failing to fall in love with the beauty of Soul. Pathological narcissism is an extreme form of being stuck in this ‘lost’ feeling. The lack of sense of Self is keenly felt, which results in a fragility of self that is masked by different strategies and coping mechanisms.

Robert Romanyshyn during the summit stated “Every symptom is a calling to remember what is forgotten” – what you were meant to be! We were meant to discover our own Nature and there is a natural unfolding in our connection with Soul. He furthers states that “The wounding is the fertile ground for individuation.” When we can reflect on our own behaviour with a willingness to look at ourselves and take cognizance of our impact on others we can grow.

Written for @jungsoutherafrica

Image credit: Metamorphosis of Narcissus - Salvador Dali

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